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Perhaps you’ve been feeling stuck lately or a significant relationship in your life (with your spouse, child, boss, parent, etc.) is proving difficult and you need support navigating those courageous conversations. If seeking therapy feels like the right next step, you might be asking yourself, “Where do I even begin?’
I recently started working with a new client who was seeking guidance on a contentious relationship with her son. When she introduced herself, she told me, “My friends have always called me Trudie. But I prefer you call me Gertrude.” Gertrude, born in 1930, was 95 years old. When I asked what motivated her to seek therapy for the first time, she told me, “Well, you know dear, everyone has a therapist now.”
Thankfully, gone are the days when asking a friend for a therapist recommendation was taboo, cloaked in whispers and shame. Still, figuring out where to begin can be intimidating. Let’s break it down.
WHAT KIND OF THERAPIST DO I NEED?
The good news is there are a lot of qualified therapists out there. Therapists treat a variety of mental health concerns—like anxiety, depression and trauma. Others specialize in areas such as grief, divorce, career or infertility. Some even offer additional skills like bilingual support or EMDR training (a specialized approach for processing traumatic experiences and other distressing life events). Studies show that the most important predictor of success is finding trust and therapeutic alliance between you and the therapist. Above all, finding someone you feel comfortable with is key.
A common misconception is that a therapist’s role is to give advice. However, longtime New Canaan resident and clinical social worker Devon Suozzi, founder of The MindWell Center, notes that the opposite is true. “Therapy is more often about collaboration, empowerment and self-discovery—not about receiving instructions,” she explains. “We are actually trained not to provide direct answers, but to listen empathically and strategically, helping clients work through roadblocks and develop their own best solutions.”
Suozzi works primarily with children, adolescents and young adults, noting that they often intuitively possess their own solutions, but may need support accessing them. “Our clients are the experts on their own lives; sometimes they just lack the confidence or perspective to effectively problem solve,” she says. “It’s my job to help them see the big picture and recognize their strengths, creating a partnership and providing a supportive environment where meaningful change can emerge.”
CAN I FIND A THERAPIST WHO TAKES INSURANCE?
Navigating insurance can feel daunting, but many online resources exist to help you find local therapists who accept insurance and are taking new clients. Jocelyn Walls, a New Canaan-based social worker, recommends using a search on Psychology Today to filter by your insurance provider and zip code. “Cost shouldn’t be a barrier to quality mental health resources,” says Walls, whose own private virtual practice is in-network with a few insurance companies. Walls, who also serves as Mentorship Director for a Palliative and End-of-Life Care Training Program at NYU’s Silver School of Social Work, has extensive experience helping oncology patients find affordable therapists that meet their needs. “Try not to get overwhelmed by the system,” she counsels. “The process can take time, but that front end work will be worth it.”
While finding a therapist who takes your insurance can be challenging, many more will qualify as out-of-network providers—meaning you can submit an invoice to your insurance for reimbursement, depending on your plan’s coverage. Additionally, some therapists offer sliding scale fees for clients who cannot afford their standard rate, or they might refer you a colleague who does.
WHAT QUESTIONS SHOULD I ASK BEFORE WE START?
Many therapists offer a brief free consultation call before you schedule a full session. Beyond discussing insurance, in-person versus telehealth options (many do both) and if they are accepting new clients, consider asking them the following questions:
How do you measure therapeutic success?
How will we set goals?
How do you structure your sessions?
Why did you become a therapist?
Do you have specific experience working with [insert your needs]?
There’s no “right” answer to these questions, but they will offer insight into a therapist’s working style and whether their approach aligns with your needs.
Jo Briggs, a marriage and family therapist at Darien’s Sasco River Center, suggests an additional crucial question: Do you collaborate with other therapists? She explains, “If you’re in both individual and couples therapy, it’s helpful to know whether your therapists are willing to coordinate care (with your consent, of course). Having your providers work together ensures alignment in treatment, helping to streamline progress.”
Be willing to do a little detective work to find a therapist and approach that feels right for you. Think of it this way: If you had a bad experience with one dentist, would you never get your teeth cleaned again? Hopefully not; you’d simply find another dentist. Therapy is no different.
As Gertrude and I were scheduling our fifth session, she told me she had new perspective on the situation with her son: “I’m thinking about my role in our conflict, which makes me feel empowered. I don’t know if anything will change, but for the first time, I feel like it actually could.” Maybe she’ll even let me call her Trudie soon.
Paula Winicur is a marriage and family therapist practicing in Connecticut and New York. She works with individuals, couples and families. Learn more at buildyourbeautifullife.com.
What do all those letters after a therapist’s name mean, anyway?
LMFT: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
LPC: Licensed Professional Counselor
PsyD: Ph. D. in Psychology
The following can prescribe meds but generally are not trained to work with clients for psychotherapy:
APRN: Advanced Practice Registered Nurse
PMHNP: Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner
Buzzy therapy words get thrown around a lot, especially with platforms like TikTok and Instagram popularizing terms like “narcissist” and “gaslighting.” While there are positives to making this information more accessible, putting your mental health in the hands of social media isn’t the best way to find support. To help you feel more informed, here are explanations of a few modalities you’ve likely heard. If you are ever unsure about a therapist’s specific approach, don’t hesitate to ask them to explain it to you.
CBT: Cognitive behavioral therapy. Often used to challenge and change negative thoughts and behaviors,
DBT: Dialectical behavioral therapy. Seeks to affect change by teaching a structured set of techniques like distress tolerance and mindfulness.
EMDR: Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. Used for treating traumatic memories, and to reduce symptoms of PTSD. A therapist needs to have specific training in this to practice it.
Psychoanalytic: Explores the unconscious mind to bring repressed thoughts and memories to the surface for processing. (Think Freud.)
Intergenerational: A form of systemic therapy focusing on how patterns and dynamics passed down through generations affect individuals and family systems.
Gottman: Based on qualitative research, goals include decreasing destructive communication patterns and increasing intimacy, respect and affection, as well as creating more empathy between partners.
EFT: Emotionally focused therapy. Based on attachment theory, goals are identifying negative cycles to develop emotional intelligence and increase connection.
Our towns have committed resources to helping make mental healthcare accessible for our residents. For more information, check out:
New Canaan Behavorial Health Alliance
newcanaanbha.org
Susannah Lewis, Director of Community Relations at Silver Hill Hospital
(203) 801-3435
Darien Human Services
darienct.gov/187/Mental-Health-Resources-Providers
Ali Ramsteck, Director
(203) 656-7328
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